Monday, January 11, 2010

Getting Better

It's been a rough six years for various reasons and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever go back to the care-free, happy me that used to be. (Hm. That rhymes.) But I've realized over the last few weeks (or maybe even just week) that I must be getting better.

I caught myself singing the other day. Not just a song on the radio or a hymn we happened to sing at church the week before, but sing-song singing. You know, where you narrate what you're doing or what you're seeing or wishing or thinking or whatever in a song. That was when I knew I was really getting better. I used to do that all the time, mostly in the bathroom when I was getting ready for the day. I first noticed it was over Christmas when I was super tired at my in-law's house. I started singing out my answers to Dustin's questions. I think someone commented on it, probably Noelle, my sister-in-law, and I told her that I have to sing when I'm super tired because otherwise I'll get grumpy and mean. Then I realized that I hadn't sung outside of car rides and church for a long, long time.

Rediscovering yourself is weird. It's not like reinventing yourself where you become something new, it's when you start to do things that you haven't done in a really long time and to realize that it was a central part of who you were but you forgot.

So, while I'm not care-free (I did grow up and become and adult after all) I am no longer care-full. I no longer feel like a free-spirit locked up in a cage.

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