I'm supposed to be writing right now.
But I am, you say? What is this blog entry if not writing?
Well, this isn't what I'm supposed to be writing. Two to three is technically my allotted 'story time'. To see what my 'story' may be, check out that link under 'me in other places' up there in the top right corner. I'm currently working on the fourth chapter of 'For Emily', which is a young adult fantasy novel/novella about a girl whose dreams affect an alternate reality. Sounds complicated and official, right? Ha.
WRITER'S BLOCK...........FGHGHOGHIGHSLSJ;DIJEGWBHGWWBGNLGVG.
Hm, I wonder if it's actually 'writers' block'. A sort of collective possession.
Anyway.
I've been trying to get some impartial/anonymous feed back about the first three completed chapters, but feedback is slow in coming. I'm pretty sure the plot moves too slowly, I may have a lot of unnecessary detail about secondary characters (although my last self edit hopefully removed most of that), and I'm not sure one of the main character's character is consistent between chapters. Maybe I just need to keep writing and trust that it'll even itself out instead of trying to fix everything immediately.
Writing is hard.
I should have taken those story writing classes in college like I wanted to.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Getting Better
It's been a rough six years for various reasons and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever go back to the care-free, happy me that used to be. (Hm. That rhymes.) But I've realized over the last few weeks (or maybe even just week) that I must be getting better.
I caught myself singing the other day. Not just a song on the radio or a hymn we happened to sing at church the week before, but sing-song singing. You know, where you narrate what you're doing or what you're seeing or wishing or thinking or whatever in a song. That was when I knew I was really getting better. I used to do that all the time, mostly in the bathroom when I was getting ready for the day. I first noticed it was over Christmas when I was super tired at my in-law's house. I started singing out my answers to Dustin's questions. I think someone commented on it, probably Noelle, my sister-in-law, and I told her that I have to sing when I'm super tired because otherwise I'll get grumpy and mean. Then I realized that I hadn't sung outside of car rides and church for a long, long time.
Rediscovering yourself is weird. It's not like reinventing yourself where you become something new, it's when you start to do things that you haven't done in a really long time and to realize that it was a central part of who you were but you forgot.
So, while I'm not care-free (I did grow up and become and adult after all) I am no longer care-full. I no longer feel like a free-spirit locked up in a cage.
I caught myself singing the other day. Not just a song on the radio or a hymn we happened to sing at church the week before, but sing-song singing. You know, where you narrate what you're doing or what you're seeing or wishing or thinking or whatever in a song. That was when I knew I was really getting better. I used to do that all the time, mostly in the bathroom when I was getting ready for the day. I first noticed it was over Christmas when I was super tired at my in-law's house. I started singing out my answers to Dustin's questions. I think someone commented on it, probably Noelle, my sister-in-law, and I told her that I have to sing when I'm super tired because otherwise I'll get grumpy and mean. Then I realized that I hadn't sung outside of car rides and church for a long, long time.
Rediscovering yourself is weird. It's not like reinventing yourself where you become something new, it's when you start to do things that you haven't done in a really long time and to realize that it was a central part of who you were but you forgot.
So, while I'm not care-free (I did grow up and become and adult after all) I am no longer care-full. I no longer feel like a free-spirit locked up in a cage.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Home Alone.
I am not internally motivated. This is a new but blatant discovery.
The boy is traveling for work and I am home alone. At first I thought I could use this time and totally blow off my 'work' schedule and focus on knitting or story writing for three days. I was kind of excited and reminissed about all those nights in high school when I would draw till the wee hours of the morning in my closet (it was a walk-in with a light inside and usually kept me from getting caught).
I don't want to do anything, and I mean anything. The kitchen is a disaster, I didn't eat super (it seems to much effort with no one else to feed so I snacked instead). I knitted, pulled it out, knitted again, put it down to work on in the morning when I'm functioning. I drew some, doodled some, sat and stared at the wall some. I'm in bed but settling in enough to actually fall asleep doesn't sound appealing, mostly because it means I'll wake up to an empty bed, but staying awake is taking too much effort.
I'm not unhappy, just off.
We'll see what the morning brings.
The boy is traveling for work and I am home alone. At first I thought I could use this time and totally blow off my 'work' schedule and focus on knitting or story writing for three days. I was kind of excited and reminissed about all those nights in high school when I would draw till the wee hours of the morning in my closet (it was a walk-in with a light inside and usually kept me from getting caught).
I don't want to do anything, and I mean anything. The kitchen is a disaster, I didn't eat super (it seems to much effort with no one else to feed so I snacked instead). I knitted, pulled it out, knitted again, put it down to work on in the morning when I'm functioning. I drew some, doodled some, sat and stared at the wall some. I'm in bed but settling in enough to actually fall asleep doesn't sound appealing, mostly because it means I'll wake up to an empty bed, but staying awake is taking too much effort.
I'm not unhappy, just off.
We'll see what the morning brings.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Dreams for the Future
Chickens.
And rabbits. Specifically a French Angora.
Herb plants in the kitchen.
Vegetables in the garden.
Little ones under foot.
Being country must be a genetic trait. It pops up in the strangest places.
And rabbits. Specifically a French Angora.
Herb plants in the kitchen.
Vegetables in the garden.
Little ones under foot.
Being country must be a genetic trait. It pops up in the strangest places.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Limbo
If Limbo does exist, it must touch the physical realm between Christmas and New Year's. Those six days of no man's land where all the loose ends of the current year get tied up but nothing for the next year can officially be started. It's either a time crammed full of high speed stress or a lazy daisy wandering... or a little of both.
It is in this time of instantaneous yet delayed change, that my house is a mess. It seems this happens every year after Christmas. The onslaught of presents causes the need to find new spaces for everything, which triggers the need to go through closets and chuck what we're not using. Our dinning area/entryway is currently storage for piles of recycling, donations, things that need to be returned to their proper owners, and stuff for an 'out with the old, in with the new' clothing exchange. I suppose you could say it's the blessing and the curse of a small space that we can't just cram everything in.
The good news is, all this craziness made my husband realize that we really do need to figure out a workable, defined, maintained use for our spare bedroom (instead of just letting it be the catch-all room that functions as guest room, crafting room, office, library, attic, and garage). It still does most of those things but we've shifted the primary purposes around. I claimed it.
I've been trying to let it be mostly Dustin's room. Since I stay home during the day I feel like the rest of the house belongs to me and I feel it's important for someone who has to face the working world everyday to have a space in their home that is a kind of personal haven. That led to a room covered in electrical wires that may or may not be connecting anything and, bless his heart the man can be organized when he wants to be, tools everywhere but mostly just inside the door. Why they always ended there, I don't know, maybe because that's close enough to his side of the closet that they were quasi-put away. It drove me nuts, but I tried to just shut the door most of the time.
When Dustin expressed a desire for the room to be reorganized so that it wouldn't be messy all the time, I was thrilled. We finally moved the computer into our living room entertainment stand (hey, it's entertainment) like we've been meaning to since we moved here, which moved the 'office' out and freed up the desk. I asked Dustin if I could have the desk. He said yes. I asked him if he could not put anything on the desk at all, or on any of the shelves. He gave me a funny look but said yes.
I spent most of yesterday going through all my crafting stuff (yarn, fabric, thread, patterns, tools) and chucking all those odds and ends I've been saving 'just in case' but know I'll never use and reorganizing everything into boxes. It freed up about a quarter of the space in the closet and I now have a very sweet and darling space. My sewing machine can sit out and with the love seat tucked into the corner and the new lace tablecloth from Belgium my mother-in-law gave to me for Christmas, it makes me giddy happy whenever I glance in the door.
It is pretty girly. Which is what I was trying not to do, but the boy seemed pleased when he saw it, so I guess it'll be alright. Now, if I can just get my dinning area back...
It is in this time of instantaneous yet delayed change, that my house is a mess. It seems this happens every year after Christmas. The onslaught of presents causes the need to find new spaces for everything, which triggers the need to go through closets and chuck what we're not using. Our dinning area/entryway is currently storage for piles of recycling, donations, things that need to be returned to their proper owners, and stuff for an 'out with the old, in with the new' clothing exchange. I suppose you could say it's the blessing and the curse of a small space that we can't just cram everything in.
The good news is, all this craziness made my husband realize that we really do need to figure out a workable, defined, maintained use for our spare bedroom (instead of just letting it be the catch-all room that functions as guest room, crafting room, office, library, attic, and garage). It still does most of those things but we've shifted the primary purposes around. I claimed it.
I've been trying to let it be mostly Dustin's room. Since I stay home during the day I feel like the rest of the house belongs to me and I feel it's important for someone who has to face the working world everyday to have a space in their home that is a kind of personal haven. That led to a room covered in electrical wires that may or may not be connecting anything and, bless his heart the man can be organized when he wants to be, tools everywhere but mostly just inside the door. Why they always ended there, I don't know, maybe because that's close enough to his side of the closet that they were quasi-put away. It drove me nuts, but I tried to just shut the door most of the time.
When Dustin expressed a desire for the room to be reorganized so that it wouldn't be messy all the time, I was thrilled. We finally moved the computer into our living room entertainment stand (hey, it's entertainment) like we've been meaning to since we moved here, which moved the 'office' out and freed up the desk. I asked Dustin if I could have the desk. He said yes. I asked him if he could not put anything on the desk at all, or on any of the shelves. He gave me a funny look but said yes.
I spent most of yesterday going through all my crafting stuff (yarn, fabric, thread, patterns, tools) and chucking all those odds and ends I've been saving 'just in case' but know I'll never use and reorganizing everything into boxes. It freed up about a quarter of the space in the closet and I now have a very sweet and darling space. My sewing machine can sit out and with the love seat tucked into the corner and the new lace tablecloth from Belgium my mother-in-law gave to me for Christmas, it makes me giddy happy whenever I glance in the door.
It is pretty girly. Which is what I was trying not to do, but the boy seemed pleased when he saw it, so I guess it'll be alright. Now, if I can just get my dinning area back...
Monday, December 21, 2009
New Background!
Isn't this the cutest background ever?! Just click the little ad in the top left corner to see where I got it. My sister found the site and I must say I am charmed. I wish I knew enough about html/java to make my own... hm, my sister might...
Secretly, I like the green background with the girl just sitting the best, but I wanted something a little more Christmas-y. Next month, however... *evil grin.
P.S. The dishwasher really stopped working. I have a new one now. Yay!
P.P.S. The little girl character to the left looks akin to the Suzie Q. a friend of mine drew in high school. My friend was annoyed that four of us kept drawing little doodles on everything and that she a) didn't like to draw and b) didn't think she could. So she invented Suzie Q., a simple yet cute doodle that became her drawn signature. I have the only colored drawings of Suzie Q. They are signed and stored away for when my friend becomes famous and they are worth millions.
Secretly, I like the green background with the girl just sitting the best, but I wanted something a little more Christmas-y. Next month, however... *evil grin.
P.S. The dishwasher really stopped working. I have a new one now. Yay!
P.P.S. The little girl character to the left looks akin to the Suzie Q. a friend of mine drew in high school. My friend was annoyed that four of us kept drawing little doodles on everything and that she a) didn't like to draw and b) didn't think she could. So she invented Suzie Q., a simple yet cute doodle that became her drawn signature. I have the only colored drawings of Suzie Q. They are signed and stored away for when my friend becomes famous and they are worth millions.
Post Presents
I've finished all the 'items' for Christmas presents. I just a have a bit of baking to do so I can tuck goodies into the packages as well. I must admit, I'm feeling a little spent. The best I can describe it is that it is very like the feeling after a huge project for school. You spend all your time and energy (and a little bit of your dreams) planning and working and preparing this huge monstrosity and then you turn it in and... you find you have a whole bunch of time on your hands that you don't know what to do with and all you really feel like doing is sitting and vegging or just plain sleeping.
Today I'm pretty much back to the regular schedule. It's Monday so that means laundry and baking. The boy is coming home for lunch and then I may, depending on where I am in the baking, work on (gasp) my story. That will fill in all this empty time nicely. I wonder how long it will take for my brain to switch gears. I'm hoping it will be a smooth transition.
In any case, Fudge down, Divinity, Gingersnaps, and Peanut Butter Butterscotch Oatmeal cookies to go. Oh, and mints, I wanted to do butter mints but we'll see if that happens.
Today I'm pretty much back to the regular schedule. It's Monday so that means laundry and baking. The boy is coming home for lunch and then I may, depending on where I am in the baking, work on (gasp) my story. That will fill in all this empty time nicely. I wonder how long it will take for my brain to switch gears. I'm hoping it will be a smooth transition.
In any case, Fudge down, Divinity, Gingersnaps, and Peanut Butter Butterscotch Oatmeal cookies to go. Oh, and mints, I wanted to do butter mints but we'll see if that happens.
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