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When Seasons Change

Spring!

I took this shot last Thursday as proof that Spring had not forgotten us.

Winter?


I took this one last Friday. It seems the gumballs will be wearing their Waldorf hats a little while longer.

Babies

No, not mine.


Friends of mine are expecting a little one in late May. In honor of the new addition to their family and the human playpen that occurs on Sunday nights, I am making a blanket and a couple of hats. Why a couple, you ask? Well, they're not finding out the gender, which makes it a little more complicated for those giving gifts. Hope they don't mind lots of green and yellow.

I chose a darker green for the blanket. Daddy-to-be hunts so I thought it was appropriate. See that skein of neon orange? That's for the hats. Why neon orange? Well... daddy hunts. :)

Weddings

I have a couple of friends getting married this coming spring. Shocking, right? Although, to be honest, I seem to be at the tipping age where more of my friends are married than single. We joked last weekend that the next friend to get married would be Darren. Darren is fourteen months old.

But no matter who is getting married. I need a dress. I was originally planning two dresses, but I somehow ended up as a bridesmaid for one of the weddings and will be provided with a super awesome swing type dress. I love it when dancers get married, everyone should be this cool.

But that leaves me with one dress. I thought about buying one but there is not a dress on this planet that is my style and my price range. So I had to make one. I found Simplicity 2588, which I am hoping is versatile enough that I can make some casual dresses, too, and tromped off to JoAnn Fabrics. My mom technically picked out the fabric and it is awesome. I've fully lined the dress and nearly successfully put in a completely invisible invisible-zipper. All that's left to do now is the hemming!

101 Posts and Concerning Fairy Tales

Yay! I made it! Sure it only took me a few years, but who's counting, eh?

Concerning Fairy Tales.

We often speak of them as the dreams of little girls, full of pink and tulle and beautiful princesses or princesses to be who are swept off their feet by the perfect man. It'll never happen, people scoff. True love doesn't exist. There are no fairy godmothers. The world isn't perfect so get over yourself and find a real job, maybe you'll run into someone who won't divorce you. And for heavens sake, don't act like a prissy girl.

Have you looked at the fairy tales? Not Disney, fairy tales. Do they look rosy to you? Are they happy? Does everything sparkle with fairy dust? Does the shoe always fit? No.

They're horrible. These are the tales of young women locked up or cast aside who must persevere. They are raised in the most horrid conditions, treated in a children services worthy manner. They may not have enough to eat, or warm clothes to wear, or even a bed to sleep in. Look at the old illustrations. They're hideous. The witch looks like something out off a nightmare, the thorns cut cruelly, there are creatures crawling out of the woodwork. Look at the heroin. She's terrified. But she's beautiful. She's sweet. She's kind. She is something different, something that doesn't exist in her world. She shouldn't be. She should look just like everything else in her world. Cold, cruel, jaded.

So what do these stories teach? That every little girl is a princess and will have a wonderful life when her husband magically appears and takes her away? No. It teaches her that she must persevere. That no matter how bad it gets, no matter how badly she's treated, that she can be pure. That she can face hardship with courage, if not without tears. That sometimes the right way won't make sense, but you must follow the guidance given by others. That a prince, a man worth having, a man of honor, will look for the maiden who is not like anyone else. He will look for a woman of virtue in a land of vice. That the husband is the reward, not the goal. It is always the step-sisters who are chasing after the men and see how they fare.

The saying is, after all, and they lived happily ever after. If you take a good look at their lives before the prince comes in, it would be hard pressed to make it any worse.

Just some thoughts.

Ahh.

My heart feels very full right now.

I spent most of yesterday dealing with food. Fresh out of bed I made butter, followed by yogurt, then a dozen crescent rolls and a loaf of toast bread. I worried over the creme brulee but it turned out perfectly. I even got in a couple loads of laundry and picked up the apartment.

I must have been a cook in another life (oh, wait, I was ;) ). I love food. I love making it and seeing how things combine and go through these phenomenal chemical changes and become these flavorful, aromatic creations. Then, THEN, oh, my favorite part. You get to set the table! Beautiful plates, shining silverware, clear cups, delicate napkins (usually not, but they are cloth in my house so I can pretend). It's the perfect setting to place your master piece.

I mean seriously, the whole table is decked out and perfectly equipped to fully appreciate what is wrapped up in those beautiful serving dishes. What other artist has such a receptive audience? Stomachs rumble, noses inhale, mouths water. The plate asks to be filled, the knife to cut, the spoon waits in anticipation for dessert. A painter must suffer, a musician, too, but a cook! A cook is surrounded by people waiting deliriously for dinner. What mother hasn't had to chase her children (and her husband) out of the kitchen just so she can finish preparing in peace?

It's so amazing that God has provided us something that we must have to function, created it in such a way that we can make it beautiful and appeal to every sense, created us in such a way that we tend to gather together when we partake of it, created the sense of satisfaction and contentment that comes after a good meal and made that feeling extend to everyone present. It's so amazing.

To top it off, today I get to go to a yarn shop.

I'm so excited. My friend Kate discovered it and claims it has the softest, squishiest yarn. From what I've seen of her work, I suspect she's right. I cannot wait. I have a million projects running around my head (geez, I'll never have enough time) just waiting for the perfect yarn and eager hands.

Plus, I have a lined dress waiting in my sewing room for me to make it. I am making it for Emily and Karl's wedding in March. I am just a guest, but I want to honor them in what little ways I can. It calls out every time I pass the door. "I'm here! Still here! Waiting to be what I am intended for! Come and make me!"

Oh, that we would be so willing.

Socks!

My sister-in-law has kindly allowed me to borrow her camera so I am able to post pictures of all the stuff I've been doing/working on.

The most recent:


Socks! This is my first pair of knitted socks and my second pair of socks period. I'm really pleased at how they're turning out and can't wait to block them!

I would love to post pictures of all the things I made for Christmas presents (two embroidered flour sack towels, a lovely lace scarf for my mother, a blanket for my brother, etc.) but, alas, I have given them away and cannot take any pictures.

La Dee Da

I'm supposed to be writing right now.

But I am, you say? What is this blog entry if not writing?

Well, this isn't what I'm supposed to be writing. Two to three is technically my allotted 'story time'. To see what my 'story' may be, check out that link under 'me in other places' up there in the top right corner. I'm currently working on the fourth chapter of 'For Emily', which is a young adult fantasy novel/novella about a girl whose dreams affect an alternate reality. Sounds complicated and official, right? Ha.

WRITER'S BLOCK...........FGHGHOGHIGHSLSJ;DIJEGWBHGWWBGNLGVG.

Hm, I wonder if it's actually 'writers' block'. A sort of collective possession.

Anyway.

I've been trying to get some impartial/anonymous feed back about the first three completed chapters, but feedback is slow in coming. I'm pretty sure the plot moves too slowly, I may have a lot of unnecessary detail about secondary characters (although my last self edit hopefully removed most of that), and I'm not sure one of the main character's character is consistent between chapters. Maybe I just need to keep writing and trust that it'll even itself out instead of trying to fix everything immediately.

Writing is hard.

I should have taken those story writing classes in college like I wanted to.

Getting Better

It's been a rough six years for various reasons and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever go back to the care-free, happy me that used to be. (Hm. That rhymes.) But I've realized over the last few weeks (or maybe even just week) that I must be getting better.

I caught myself singing the other day. Not just a song on the radio or a hymn we happened to sing at church the week before, but sing-song singing. You know, where you narrate what you're doing or what you're seeing or wishing or thinking or whatever in a song. That was when I knew I was really getting better. I used to do that all the time, mostly in the bathroom when I was getting ready for the day. I first noticed it was over Christmas when I was super tired at my in-law's house. I started singing out my answers to Dustin's questions. I think someone commented on it, probably Noelle, my sister-in-law, and I told her that I have to sing when I'm super tired because otherwise I'll get grumpy and mean. Then I realized that I hadn't sung outside of car rides and church for a long, long time.

Rediscovering yourself is weird. It's not like reinventing yourself where you become something new, it's when you start to do things that you haven't done in a really long time and to realize that it was a central part of who you were but you forgot.

So, while I'm not care-free (I did grow up and become and adult after all) I am no longer care-full. I no longer feel like a free-spirit locked up in a cage.

Home Alone.

I am not internally motivated. This is a new but blatant discovery.

The boy is traveling for work and I am home alone. At first I thought I could use this time and totally blow off my 'work' schedule and focus on knitting or story writing for three days. I was kind of excited and reminissed about all those nights in high school when I would draw till the wee hours of the morning in my closet (it was a walk-in with a light inside and usually kept me from getting caught).

I don't want to do anything, and I mean anything. The kitchen is a disaster, I didn't eat super (it seems to much effort with no one else to feed so I snacked instead). I knitted, pulled it out, knitted again, put it down to work on in the morning when I'm functioning. I drew some, doodled some, sat and stared at the wall some. I'm in bed but settling in enough to actually fall asleep doesn't sound appealing, mostly because it means I'll wake up to an empty bed, but staying awake is taking too much effort.

I'm not unhappy, just off.

We'll see what the morning brings.

Dreams for the Future

Chickens.

And rabbits. Specifically a French Angora.

Herb plants in the kitchen.

Vegetables in the garden.

Little ones under foot.

Being country must be a genetic trait. It pops up in the strangest places.

Limbo

If Limbo does exist, it must touch the physical realm between Christmas and New Year's. Those six days of no man's land where all the loose ends of the current year get tied up but nothing for the next year can officially be started. It's either a time crammed full of high speed stress or a lazy daisy wandering... or a little of both.

It is in this time of instantaneous yet delayed change, that my house is a mess. It seems this happens every year after Christmas. The onslaught of presents causes the need to find new spaces for everything, which triggers the need to go through closets and chuck what we're not using. Our dinning area/entryway is currently storage for piles of recycling, donations, things that need to be returned to their proper owners, and stuff for an 'out with the old, in with the new' clothing exchange. I suppose you could say it's the blessing and the curse of a small space that we can't just cram everything in.

The good news is, all this craziness made my husband realize that we really do need to figure out a workable, defined, maintained use for our spare bedroom (instead of just letting it be the catch-all room that functions as guest room, crafting room, office, library, attic, and garage). It still does most of those things but we've shifted the primary purposes around. I claimed it.

I've been trying to let it be mostly Dustin's room. Since I stay home during the day I feel like the rest of the house belongs to me and I feel it's important for someone who has to face the working world everyday to have a space in their home that is a kind of personal haven. That led to a room covered in electrical wires that may or may not be connecting anything and, bless his heart the man can be organized when he wants to be, tools everywhere but mostly just inside the door. Why they always ended there, I don't know, maybe because that's close enough to his side of the closet that they were quasi-put away. It drove me nuts, but I tried to just shut the door most of the time.

When Dustin expressed a desire for the room to be reorganized so that it wouldn't be messy all the time, I was thrilled. We finally moved the computer into our living room entertainment stand (hey, it's entertainment) like we've been meaning to since we moved here, which moved the 'office' out and freed up the desk. I asked Dustin if I could have the desk. He said yes. I asked him if he could not put anything on the desk at all, or on any of the shelves. He gave me a funny look but said yes.

I spent most of yesterday going through all my crafting stuff (yarn, fabric, thread, patterns, tools) and chucking all those odds and ends I've been saving 'just in case' but know I'll never use and reorganizing everything into boxes. It freed up about a quarter of the space in the closet and I now have a very sweet and darling space. My sewing machine can sit out and with the love seat tucked into the corner and the new lace tablecloth from Belgium my mother-in-law gave to me for Christmas, it makes me giddy happy whenever I glance in the door.

It is pretty girly. Which is what I was trying not to do, but the boy seemed pleased when he saw it, so I guess it'll be alright. Now, if I can just get my dinning area back...

New Background!

Isn't this the cutest background ever?! Just click the little ad in the top left corner to see where I got it. My sister found the site and I must say I am charmed. I wish I knew enough about html/java to make my own... hm, my sister might...

Secretly, I like the green background with the girl just sitting the best, but I wanted something a little more Christmas-y. Next month, however... *evil grin.

P.S. The dishwasher really stopped working. I have a new one now. Yay!

P.P.S. The little girl character to the left looks akin to the Suzie Q. a friend of mine drew in high school. My friend was annoyed that four of us kept drawing little doodles on everything and that she a) didn't like to draw and b) didn't think she could. So she invented Suzie Q., a simple yet cute doodle that became her drawn signature. I have the only colored drawings of Suzie Q. They are signed and stored away for when my friend becomes famous and they are worth millions.

Post Presents

I've finished all the 'items' for Christmas presents. I just a have a bit of baking to do so I can tuck goodies into the packages as well. I must admit, I'm feeling a little spent. The best I can describe it is that it is very like the feeling after a huge project for school. You spend all your time and energy (and a little bit of your dreams) planning and working and preparing this huge monstrosity and then you turn it in and... you find you have a whole bunch of time on your hands that you don't know what to do with and all you really feel like doing is sitting and vegging or just plain sleeping.

Today I'm pretty much back to the regular schedule. It's Monday so that means laundry and baking. The boy is coming home for lunch and then I may, depending on where I am in the baking, work on (gasp) my story. That will fill in all this empty time nicely. I wonder how long it will take for my brain to switch gears. I'm hoping it will be a smooth transition.

In any case, Fudge down, Divinity, Gingersnaps, and Peanut Butter Butterscotch Oatmeal cookies to go. Oh, and mints, I wanted to do butter mints but we'll see if that happens.

Contentment

I ask a lot out of life. I ask that it be simple. I ask that it be fun. I ask that it be full of love. I ask that it have a rhythm. I ask that it be fulfilling. I ask that it be full. I ask that it run in my time line. It does all those things at some point or another and it doesn't do any of them at some point or another.

What Life asks out of me is that I be content with what I am given when it's given. I am, at some point or another.

Right now I am knitting. I love it. It's not something I would have expected to ever love. I have always preferred crochet. The more I knit the more I find it hard to be content. I read several blogs of women who live on small farms or just run a small home that includes live stock and a garden, who have 3+ children running underfoot, who have yarn and lots of it, who show pictures of kitchens covered in flour and a pot of soup simmering on the stove, of art crafts strewn over tables and cats perched in windows. I wish these were my pictures. But they're not. Sometimes I look at what I have at this moment and think, 'yeah, this is pretty good' and sometimes I can't wait to have all those things that I think I really want.

Knitting does that, it calls me out of what I have into what could be, perhaps because it is one of the first few steps that get me there. Knitting allows me to create, it allows me to transform yarn into a garment, a blanket, a hat, slippers, a decoration, anything. It gets me more involved in providing for my family. I love that I can pour hours of time and love into an item and then just give it away. I can give my love away in an item that a person can have close when I am far away. I must learn to be content with that and wait patiently for the chicken.

Well, that was awkward.

Awkward is an awkward word. Look at it, it has two 'w's... that's strange.

In any case, the maintenance guy came today to look at the dishwasher.

He turned it on.

It worked.

ARRGH! I've been hand-washing dishes for a week! I swear it didn't work! Honest! Oh, well.

Clouds and Cameras

I'm really wishing for my camera today. There is a blustery wind blowing across the state of Ohio at the moment (I know because it's showing up in the Facebook statuses of my friends in the Dayton, Columbus, and Athens areas). With it are the most beautiful snow filled clouds. Brilliant white tops and sides with a lovely dark slate gray bottom, add to that random breaks for sunshine to pour through and a constantly blowing wind and you get a million great light and cloud shots. And AND the beautiful white bark of the leafless trees standing stark against the dark gray of the sky... argh. You don't appreciate what you have until you don't have it.

Adventures...

.. are never convenient. That's what my mom always said. Although, when she said it, we were usually in a car on the side of the road with a flat tire. She would turn in the driver's seat and look at us all for a moment before declaring, "Who's ready for an adventure?" We would look at her in silence, slightly confused and slightly fearful (the tire had just gone flat). Someone might venture to say that we weren't having an adventure, there were no monsters, we had no swords. She would unbuckle us all and tell us we were allowed out on the side of the road but to stay off the road and remind us that an adventure was just a set of obstacles that the hero had to over come and that they were never, ever convenient.

All that to say my dishwasher is broken. I thought maybe the handyman would fix it quick enough that I wouldn't have to wash any dished by hand but that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm finding that I reuse dishes, particularly cooking utensils much quicker than I thought and that, while I still have plenty of plates to use, my kitchen is entirely too small to permit much procrastination in the way of cleaning. Especially since I've been trying to get in some holiday baking and decorating. The baking requires counter top space and dishes and the decorating just looks better when it is displayed with a clean backdrop.

I don't mind too much, though. A little jolt out of the regular rhythm tends to inspire life.

Butter Again

I made butter again. This time I skimmed the cream off of our farm fresh milk and beat it. The butter is sooooooo yellow. Margarine yellow. Wow. The buttermilk was a beautiful white (especially when contrasted with the yellow butter). It tastes pretty delicious, too. I'm so glad we have a herd share.

First Snow

It's the first snow of 2009! I'm so peacefully happy. There's something about snow (when it sticks to the ground without being coaxed) that makes Winter. Plus, today my friend Emily is coming over for lunch and we're putting up Christmas decorations together! It's perfect!

On a side note, I am in the process of finding a new camera. I'm considering the PowerShot G series, particularly the the G7, maybe the G9... it depends on prices. Part of me is glad I lost my old camera, I now have a good excuse to get a better one. But I'd rather not be spending the money. Oh, well. It is what it is.